searching for someone called "me"

strange feeling controlling me when i came back to my place in here

actually not just one feeling,many and many

in here i feel myself,i feel the things i miss at real life

in here i feel i can see the real" me"

as in real life i can see only my mirage

my"me"used to be inisde "me"&with "me"

i somehow lost her at real life

don`t know how i let this happened

but it just happened

in real life,im feeling lost,lonely,sad,down,choked

cant even listen to myself

may be cos of the many echos around " me"

may be iam crazy,cos both are the same"me"

but real life was so hard

that it separated them apart

back to writing is a way to get her back to" me"

its all trials may be it would work,may be not

but in all cases its" me" with "me"

so the trial wont include others

so it worth the try,cos its " me" im searching for in here

you&I

sitting all alone,thinking killing me&silence drifting me far away from everthing i know&everything inside, sometimes life becomes an evil monster that destroys every plant that you have been planting for years,all i wish now is to still be having the seeds,sometimes you feel you standing alone on your own, i used to get afraid of such moment till i knew its the best thing to do,go far away and be with yourself, cos any silent shout is never replied nor heard i realized that being abandoned is much better than being surrounded by many and still you feel lonely and they never meet your expectations, at such life to live happily is to expect none , cos when ppl dont meet your expectations you feel so bad, really bad,i wish i didnt have to stand alone but life taught me that i have to, nomatter how im dying deep inside,nomatter how my soul is bleeding i have to,im the victim and im the healer,thats how it shall be, i never thought that oneday i would write that way but i have no other way i miss my dreamy moments i miss myself i miss my soul when it sway i miss everything that has been planted deep in my way when i didnt plan for a kidnapping moment, i found my feet taking me to my beloved sea at one of the places that have been captured in a pic that i still carry,i found mysoul listening to an old song saying you&i,like a ship forever sailling,thats you&me my beloved sea,i miss you&i miss me

صورة / a picture

this was the first time for me to write in my own language,never tried after this one,i will try to translate it for my friends who don`t know Arabic :)



مرة كده من المرات اللى انا قعدة فيها انا و انا....كنت بقلب فى الصور اللى عندى
مكنتش صور لحد معين ........كانت صور طبيعية و صور تخليك تحلم و تروح لبعيد....بعيد اوى
افتكرت ساعتها طلب اطلب منى مرة و هو انى اسيب عينى تروح لأى صورة منهم و اسيب احساسى يتكلم
ممممممممم على قد منا بحب احساسى ياخدنى بعيد بس المرة دى كانت غير كل مرة....للحظة...
للحظة حسيت انى مش قدرة اروح هناك....كان فيه حاجة مسكانى
لقيت صوت من جوايا اول مرة أسمعه...بيقولى ....صورة؟
الصورة دى حبة الوان مع بعض.....و اللى
و اللى بيخلي الصورة تتكلم مش اللى جواها اكتر من احساسنا نفسه
احساسنا اللى مش قدرين نحسه فى الحياة.....فكل مرة عينينا تشوف صورة
احساسنا يسبنا و يطلع من جوانا و يجرى على الصورة يحاول يعيش و لو للحظة
قبل مناخده و نرجعه تانى جوانا و يفضل حزين سجين بين ضلوعنا


translation

onetime of the times i was sitting me with me
i was checking the pictures i captured
werent pictures for specific outing
just some pictures for nature that would take you so far away
i remembered when i was asked once to let my eyes surrender to any picture of them
and let go of my feeling to speak out loud
for a moment i felt i cant go there,something was holding me back
there comes a voice from deep inside me asking me.......picture?
the voice continued telling me : "the pictures is a collection of colors gathering together,
   and what makes it talk not its colors more than our feeling we feel towards it
the feeling that we cant feel in reality so everytime our eyes fall on the picture
our feeling leaves us and run so fast towards the picture trying to live there even for Only a moment
before we capture and take it back to live as a sad prisoner deep inside us

a true story quoted,close to my heart

A little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter:
"Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don't fall into the river." The little girl said:
"No, Dad. You hold my hand."
"What's the difference?" Asked the puzzled father.

"There's a big difference," replied the little girl.
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me, chances are that I may let your hand go. But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens, you will never let my hand go."

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person whom you love rather than expecting them to hold yours...

Blog Hop Saturday 1st September,2012 #5

Love`s Cove Challenge #4 -8-26-2012

It's that time again! Time to head on over to apd-loverscove.blogspot.com, other wise known as Lovers' Cove and take part in this week's challenge! Please read the Guidelines and Q's & A's thoroughly before entering! In short, you must come up with a line of 15 words or less and your line must continue on in thought based on what the previous person on the linky wrote! 

Andy`s Line
      "Behold! I am renewed again, for the spirit of love has descended upon my heart!"

 Crystal`s Line
       "Years, I've wandered aimlessly through the midst of the shadows trying to elude the dark."

 Elen`s Line
       "Darkness isn´t always so dark, sometimes becomes hope when our imagination wants to look for a light"

 My Line
       "A light that has been trying to find its sight through such darkness night"

RFW # 43 : A walk with my beloved sea

Oneday, needed a walk with my beloved sea releasing my troubled mind,my eyes fall on special scene that washes away any troubles i carry,taking my first step,

 my eyes fall on an old man taking hands of his beloved wife,just watching them walking side by side,I felt joy seeing such kind of love that’s still growing ,as time passes by,becomes more deeper&true,watching slowly every step they make till settling at sea shore,away from real life,children& grandchildren , trying to continue the picnic they started with sea longtime ago.

 “I found myself wishing that we`d be like these true hearts who kept their love&carried such endless moments alive inside as long as they can,never faded away”

 continuing my walk,suddenly,a laugh stopped me,a 3 years old child running with his dad,the mom encouraging her baby to continue running,just watching this pure laugh and realizing how much a simple thing would give a complete joy to such angel that he will carry deep inside forever and be one of his endless memories that when getting old,recall such memo to wash away a recent sorrow that would appear on his way.

 for a while i didnt go back to my mind`s bubble as waves of sea were calling me to stay with thee,there just there,found myself recalling back my memories& whispers,felt you were around although you`re on another shore ,we still didnt meet but sea was trying to tell me about your whispers too that oneday we will meet gathering ours all, sitting on that rock,listening to these waves&continuing such picnic together. 

 Continuing along with my walk,my eyes fall on 2 lovers crossing street towards sea,holding hands,in the middle of the road he changed his position facing car`s direction,watching carefully traffic catching the moment to cross safely by his beloved to other side,this simple move really touched me,it carries alot within”safe&shelter&real love and care

 ” i passed slowly by them and wished them to always carry such kind of love"

 this simple move showed me that true love is to care about your one without thinking, just what you carry for your one deep inside teaches you how to say i love you through a simple move,simple smile,simple glance.

 At this moment i found myself can`t walk anymore,i smiled to sea,closed my eyes and went in a picnic with the waves of the sea again and started to sing my soul`s song.....